TWOW 19B/Transcript

• Episode
• Transcript
• Responses

[00:00:00] (The episode begins on the solid background with the inner border.)
Cary	[00:00:00] Hi! This is Ten Words of Wisdom 19B. [00:00:02] Are you confused? Don’t worry! I know a lot of viewers are out of the loop, because last episode, somebody commented, saying they’d like to participate, but didn’t even know what TWOW was, and it got around twenty likes. If you want the full rundown of what TWOW is, you can watch TWOW 0A, (Frustratedly) just like you could’ve before commenting you were confused. [00:00:22] (Normally) But the TL;DW is this: Ten Words of Wisdom is a competition on YouTube where I’m the host, and the 491 people who signed up in December are the contestants. I haven’t decided what the winner will win yet, but I say they win wisdom. I announce a prompt, like, “What happened to the 31st of November?”. All eligible contestants respond to me privately in ten words or fewer. I collect the responses, and then, in the A part of each episode, show them to the viewers anonymously and randomly. The viewers rank them from best to worst, AKA first to tenth. In the B part of each episode, the voting results are revealed, and the twenty percent of contestants with the worst voted responses are eliminated. Then, the cycle repeats! As of now, TWOW has gone from 491 contestants down to eight, and we’re eliminating them one at a time for suspense. But once a winner is declared and season one ends, season 2 will begin on its own website, and absolutely everyone can join as a contestant! [00:01:21] Okay, now you’re caught up. On an unrelated note, I’d like to thank everybody who showed up to our BFDI meetup in New York City, which was a blast! A jacknjellify video about it will probably come out soon. And yes, you caught me dabbing.
[00:01:35] (A video of Cary in front of a mirror, pressing a wet tissue to his face, begins to play. He turns around suddenly to the camera, then runs to it to grab it.)
Cary	[00:01:39] Oh no! Dude, you’re not supposed to look at this!
[00:01:42] (The video ends.)
Cary	[00:01:42] But it’s not my fault! Somebody else asked me to do it. You know who you are! [00:01:47] And, also, I never mentioned that scrumptious former TWOWer Jennings AsYetUntitled named this cool guy “Scary Cary” and wants credit. [00:01:56] (With each word through a Scary Cary lunge) Thanks, … Jennings! Scary… Cary… appreciates… your… contributions. [00:02:02] (Normally) Also, Zwei was the first person to do something that I’m still trying to keep secret for now, until I finish the final version of it. So, Zwei, you’ll just have to wait until then for your full achievement recognition. [00:02:15] Anyway, back to Ten Words of Wisdom. TWOW’s nineteenth prompt was, “What is the speed of dark?”, to which our eight remaining TWOWers sent in seventeen shady responses. 899 voters cast 1,066 votes, which is honestly a lot! Like, a lot! That’s the most voters ever—even more than TWOW 1!—but that’s not the most votes ever, because… uh… shiny cowards’ whiny powers. But thanks for voting so much, TWOWdience! I wonder if we can hit a thousand voters next time. [00:02:46] So like always, we’ll reveal how each TWOWer did in the order they placed last time. [00:02:51] In the horrendously complex TWOW 18, Joseph Howard placed first, which means he got to submit three responses. His best scoring response was a pun:
[00:03:00] (The one-by-one reveal appears.)
Cary	“ [00:03:00] I would answer, but these physics are a dark matter. ” (Sarcastically) Ha ha ha. So funny. I’m dying. But I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. (Normally) I asked you voters how marvelous you thought this pun was, and you said, … [00:03:17] 57.98%. I’m so sad because Joseph did so well (Loudly) by not answering the question I gave him! Why? I wanted to know your answer, Joseph! Why do you do this to me? Why do you… leave me in the dark? [00:03:31] (Briefly, under breath) Kill me. [00:03:31] (Normally) Up second is former Front-runner Tak Ajnin, whose book avatar is the least dark of the bunch. What did Tak think is the speed of dark? “ Darkness travels the exact same speed as light, only backwards. ” Okay, okay. Straight to the point, I see. Like a ninja, you don’t waste time with distractions. Anyway, voters thought your response was better than… [00:04:02] 50.12% of other responses. That’s higher than average, but not too great. In other news, pun offender Joseph Howard just earned a spot into the final seven! [00:04:13] Next, we’ve got Ping Pong Cup Shots, who’s tragically struggling with an addiction to boosts at the early age of thirteen! The last few boost-free episodes have been rehab, which I hope has helped. Puhpucks said, “ Darkness and light both travel at 299,792,45[5] [meters per second], c the similarities? ” In OTTWDTEWMITFGLTAM’s original PM to me, he had quotes around the “c” to show off yet another pun, since c represents the speed of light, but he used curly quotes, which don’t exist in the font I’m using! So, sorry, but I warned you before. Hopefully that didn’t hurt your score too much, Shing Cong Pup Pots. Let’s find out. [00:05:01] At 50.54%, you are safe, but only by a Kat’s hair! [00:05:06] Three-time victor Yessoan has gone ultra violent on us with this hyperaggressive taunt that is a danger to all kids in the world ever: “ Depends on how quickly I can knock your lights out. ” This blatant death threat, along with the fact that the small book he’s holding essentially says, “Die”, on its cover, pretty much ensures that this will get no support from rational voters out there, right? [00:05:33] Wrong. With a score of 52.29%, Yessoan actually does better than the majority of other TWOWers so far! [00:05:41] At this point, it’s pretty clear that another member of the MST alliance will be going home, because Tak Ajnin hasn’t placed high enough to be declared safe yet, and only Spicy, Midge, Midnight, and Meester have yet to be revealed! So, it looks like the JoPingSoan minority weathers the storm for one more day. [00:06:00] Fifth up is Spicyman33, who… (Sighs) I’m just too tired to come up with a new nickname for. He said, “ Try saying "dark". It's pretty short. Thus, about a second! ” I mean, I get what your point is, but a second is a pretty long time. Let me try saying “dark”. “Dark”. Wow, 0.49 seconds? I must be the world record fastest “dark”-sayer ever! Anyway, SuperSlowDarkSayer—I mean, Spicyman33—gets a score of… [00:06:34] 57.45%, giving him a comfortable spot in the final seven, where he can spend his days saying “dark” painfully slowly. (Prolonged slightly) “Dark.” (Normally) Sorry, I’m getting a bit carried away, aren’t I? [00:06:46] But not as carried away as Sam Billinge, who’s being carried way… up by TheMightyMidge! Our most recent efficiency champion TheMightyMidge said, “ Usually 3 [to] 5 working days, but the postage system i[s] unreliable. ” Wow, that’s the slowest description of dark so far, almost as slow as Spicy saying dark—dang it, I gotta stop. Anyway, TheMightyMidge, what score did you get? [00:07:13] 54.o6%, which means you’re safe! [00:07:16] We’re getting our two British TWOWers back to back, which means seventh up is Midnight Light. Midnight was the only TWOWer to attempt writing the word “THE” ten times as I suggested: “ THE mATHEmaticians' THEses THEorise maTHEmatially-THEorised THEorems. THEy THErefore hypoTHEsise: 299,792,458 [meters per second]. ” I’m kinda sad no TWOWer submitted just ten “THE”s and nothing else. But, Midnight, you get bonus points for getting the closest. Oh, uh… not real bonus points, just figurative ones. I don’t want you getting addicted to boosts like Puhpucks. Anyway, Midnight, the voters thought your response should get a score of… [00:08:07] 51.82%, earning you a comfy chair in the final seven room! [00:08:11] And now, we’ve reached our final TWOWer, Meester Tweester. Either he or Tak Ajnin will be exiting the TWOWniverse today, all depending on whether or not Meester can beat Tak Ajnin’s score of 50.12%. Who played the better game, the epitome of stealth and invisibility, or the epitome of light to give us visibility? Well, to find out, we gotta look at Meester’s response. “ 125, the base speed of the fastest Dark-type Pokémon, Darkrai. ” and just like Puhpucks, Meester used a special character: an accented E in “Pokémon”, which caused some errors in my response collection program. I warned you guys, don’t use anything outside of ASCII, just to be safe. But back to the reveal. Meester Tweester, your TWOW 19 score is… [00:08:59] (The screen darkens and the reveal stops.) Just a second, I need to show you an advertisement for former TWOWer Crafty7’s YouTube competition, “The Puffball Games”, created by other former TWOWer Tantusar…-dine pizza!
[00:09:10] (Tantusar’s video plays, opening with four phrases synced to harmonizing notes. It then cuts to a morning forest background with a lively guitar tune, as a logo appears. Afterward, the paused results reveal returns.)
Cary	[00:09:26] Okay, we’re back, and Meester’s final score is… (The reveal resumes.) [00:09:34] 57.54%! Might you have gotten first if you had used a normal E? Maybe, maybe not. We’ll never know. But we do know that…
[00:10:42] (“Childhood Memories of Winter” begins to play as Tak Ajnin’s elimination card appears.)
Cary	[00:09:42] Tak Ajnin must sadly leave TWOW now. Goodbye, Tak. It’s such a shock to see you leave so early, considering that, for a good chunk of the TWOW midgame, you were by far the strongest player. You can depart knowing that you changed the game of Ten Words of Wisdom forever. People will study your strategy, wondering how you pulled so far ahead of everyone else, despite rarely using puns and never scoring an individual leg victory. You truly were a Ninja… (Kat)…, but the last of your nine lives is tragically ending now.
[00:10:21] (Cut to the pillar. Tak Ajnin sits on the edge, Cary standing behind him, his arm quavering and poised to strike him. A counter for Tak Ajnin’s remaining “LIVES” is in the top right. Cary slaps Tak off the pillar, but he lands unhurt and runs back up, meowing. After each fall, the counter ticks down by one, the process gradually quickening. On the last life, he makes a hole in the ground. Afterward, the bordered setting returns.)
Cary	[00:10:31] Okay, stats time.
[00:10:32] (The leaderboard is shown.)
Cary	[00:10:32] Joseph Howard won this time, making him the first TWOWer to win twice in a row ever! Can he go for the triple whammy? We’ll find out soon! That also means Yessoan’s not the only three-time victor anymore. [00:10:45] While we’re on the topic of number of leg victories, let’s take a look at TheMightyMidge. With the departure of Tak Ajnin, he’s become the only living TWOWer who hasn’t gotten a leg victory yet! That means the Efficiency Curse is still upon you, Midge. [00:10:58] The TWOW predictions sort of agree with that, but sort of don’t. I mean, just look at how similar the bottom three’s chances are for being eliminated next! It’s pretty much neck-and-neck. Oh, and as expected, JoHo surged another nine points to now have a thirty-six percent chance of winning TWOW, which is starting to rival Tak’s historic forty-four percent from TWOW 11! [00:11:22] Back to the results page. The winning percentile, 57.98%, is the lowest we’ve ever seen, which means the competition is narrowing! [00:11:30] Midnight Light’s “THE THE THE” response was unsurprisingly the most controversial, but Shing’s response got a close second. It looks like flashing the massive nine-digit number to the unsuspecting crowd either bedazzles or frazzles them. [00:11:44] Boringly straightforward answers found themselves at the bottom of the leaderboard, and the least controversial, with Meester Tweester’s response having the lowest standard deviation.
[00:11:53] (The book montage begins to scroll by, ending on the array of remaining contestants.)
Cary	[00:11:53] (At back of throat) To summarize, here’s who’s still in and who’s eliminated. If you’re eliminated, you won’t be able to send me any more responses for upcoming TWOW season 1 prompts. (Normally) I mean, you guys did ask me to rerecord that, so…
[00:12:08] (The screen returns.)
Cary	[00:12:08] (Loudly, equally spaced) Time for prompt! [00:12:09] (Normally) The twentieth TWOW prompt is, “What rank should voters give your entry?”. It’s as simple as that!
Orange Cary	[00:12:15] Idiot, everybody’s just gonna say, (Alternating octaves) “Please please please please please please rank this entry first!”
Cary	[00:12:22] I mean, yeah, they could do that, but voters, you can choose to listen to what the entries say, but you can also choose not to! Maybe you value obedience, but maybe you value rebellion! Perhaps you like originality, and will respect the entry that asks for a rank that nobody else is asking for. [00:12:40] So, remaining seven TWOWers, who can now be celebrated on each day of the week, you’ve got a tough decision to make. Which rank will you request, and how will you make that plea for that rank? You can each submit two responses, and Joseph Howard, for placing first, you get to submit three. Only the best scoring one will count. [00:12:58] You have until October 21, 2016, at 10 PM UTC. This time, no extensions. If you don’t submit by then, I will, no joke, eliminate you. You might be like, (With closed teeth) “Aw, Cary, you’re such a filthy hypocrite, you took over two weeks to make your TWOW video, (Sniff) but you punish us for taking more than four days?” (Normally) Well, let me just remind you that making a TWOW episode takes, like, a hundred times more work than writing a few ten-word responses. I mean… how many words have I said in this episode alone? Can somebody count? It must be over a thousand, and that’s not including the animation and post-production. [00:13:33] Anyway, see you in TWOW 20A, when all you viewers get to vote on our final seven TWOWers’ responses, and you’ll get to listen to former TWOWer Riley’s new single!
[00:13:43] (Cary begins to prepare to record the fan art.)
Cary	[00:13:43] (Softly) Freaking fan… (Giggles, croaking) fan art. (Sighs)
[00:13:49] (Cary begins to scroll through the /r/twowfanart entries.)
Cary	[00:13:49] (Normally) Also, these Ten Words of Wisdom videos take a lot of work, especially for a single person. I do all the writing, recording, animating, programming, data visualization, response collection, and editing. So, if you’d like to help me out a bit, why not support me on Patreon? Only donate money if you want to, and even if you don’t, these videos will be here for everyone for free, but I’ll thank you so much if you do pitch in, because, as a college student, I don’t have a real job with an income. So yeah, link to that is in the description. Bye!